Repeating Dreams and Unconscious Themes

Dreams are the mind’s way of digesting your thoughts and feelings and processing your experiences. But there are some dreams that are directly related to past feelings and traumas which have been re-triggered by the events of the day; something you’ve seen on television or read online.

There is something familiar that your brain recognizes as part of the unfinished business filed in your subconscious. Stresses or traumas which went unresolved, unaddressed and left lingering, abandoned to the mists of time, may seem to be forgotten but they are only dormant.

They often emerge as recurring dreams, or nightmares with a very similar theme that elicit an intense feeling which seems to stick with you on waking.

My 5 Recurring Dreams:

1. I have gone away somewhere on holiday and forgotten my anxiety medication, I search for it, panicking about where it is and if I can get some more.

2. Some unspecified event I can’t remember has happened and I need to call the emergency services, however the phone is broken and whenever I try to dial it doesn’t recognize the number or I get the number wrong.

3. I have been staying somewhere (possibly on holiday or longer) and for some reason I have brought a lot of furniture, and you guessed it ‘baggage’. I am supposed to be leaving and am struggling to pack it all up. I can never pack it all up in time.

4. Again, I have gone away somewhere and now want to get back home; I get on a train but it takes me further away, and I can’t seem to achieve my goal of getting home no matter what I do.

5. I try to lock the house door because it doesn’t feel safe outside. Something or someone is outside, and I don’t want it to get in. The key doesn’t work, the door won’t close properly. I think I’ve locked it but then I try the handle and it opens.

It’s not surprising that a person with complex PTSD and subsequent agoraphobia has so many repetitive anxious dreams related to being away from home and travelling. Holidays and days out with my parents were particularly stressful and as a young child I genuinely feared for my life and wellbeing at times. Home was a place where I could safely dissociate, manage my anxiety, and usually be left alone for the most part. But leaving the house as a family meant staying together and being under the complete control of my father’s moods and whims with no escape possible.

My dreams’ key themes are loss of control, time pressure and helplessness; having too much to carry (responsibility?) and being trapped.

• For some reason I am the only person who has a lot of furniture and bags to pack up and no one is helping me. I know if I don’t manage to carry it all, it will have to be left behind. Is my anxiety because I don’t want to let it go? Is it because I feel responsible for it?

• Every time I dial the phone, and it doesn’t work I realise I can’t get any help and I try over and over again but it’s futile and frustrating.

• In the dream I have made it abroad or wherever I am ‘away’, and I am fine until I remember my medication. I have forgotten I have anxiety, and it is that recollection that starts the worry. Do you ever forget to be afraid or sad for a moment? It doesn’t feel right, and we can’t trust it purely because we are used to distressing feelings, beliefs and ways of thinking.

• My parents hated to be questioned about anything, it triggered anger and probably anxiety around their decision-making skills. I wasn’t told where we were going or what we were going to do when we went on a trip on the train. I just had to be quiet and mostly invisible. Days out meant following my resentful dad on painfully long walks, as he pretended we weren’t there and my mum stayed silent. The feeling of being trapped, wanting to leave but being unable to, was repressed for so many years that it has left what feels like a permanent scar on my soul.

• The door that won’t lock feels like an assault on my boundaries, and the futility of trying to control my environment and mind. If my home comfort zone isn’t safe, where is?

These dreams are valuable and show me that I view the world through a ‘trauma’ lens and am more likely to interpret normal everyday situations as dangerous and threatening.

I sometimes find it useful to bring them to therapy and discuss their meanings and what might have triggered them. My therapist often has some insights or suggestions that I haven’t considered.

I can see that wanting to have control is an issue for me, as I have experienced what it’s like to be a powerless child with unsafe parents. It has made it harder to recognise my own power as a grown adult and I realise that I often only see things that confirm my fears about having no control.

‘Control’ is also an unhealthy and destructive illusion that my parents bought heavily into.

If you have any recurring dreams or dreams with similar themes, it is worth making a note of them, especially if they cause you distress.

Sometimes just bringing conscious awareness and paying a little attention to them allows you to make connections and process their meanings. They may be a clue as to what you need to heal and what is yet to be processed.

If the intensity of your dreams are regularly impacting on your ability to sleep and focus during the day, or the content is disturbing for you and your mental health; You may benefit from support such as talking to a mental health professional or your GP.

Link to Support Information