Agoraphobia, Anxiety and Me

Ask most people what they think the mental health condition agoraphobia is and they will probably give you an example of a person who is housebound and can’t go outside because of severe and debilitating anxiety. And while this is true for some sufferers, it is definitely not the case for everyone with ‘agoraphobic’ symptoms.

I personally find the term agoraphobia to be a bit vague, as there are so many varied forms of it and different triggers for different people. In fact the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) has only very recently defined agoraphobia as a distinct psychiatric diagnosis from panic disorder. However, as one of the most important parts of agoraphobia is the avoidance of situations that induce panic feelings, agoraphobia and panic disorder are inextricably linked.

I would describe my experience of agoraphobia as an intense fear of being trapped and an urge to escape, while worrying that it might be impossible because safety or home is too far away — With the added scare or cherry on top — Anxious thoughts that the terror will never end.

Agoraphobia can include:

1. Feeling trapped in a crowd, a shopping centre, school, college or literally anywhere that reminds you of the last time you had a panic attack

2. Anxiety during travel, such as feeling afraid on a bus or train

3. Worry about being on your own away from home and for some, being with other people and feeling you can’t leave without embarrassment.

4. Fear of being in small spaces or large spaces — lifts or toilets, or fields and parks

5. Difficulty using bridges (There are many reasons for this: From fearing the bridge then opening and being unable to come back easily, to the fact there is only one entrance and one exit)

6. Dread of leaving the home or familiar/comfort zone areas and not being able to return with ease.

All of these scenarios are linked by the fear of fear, by being afraid of a previous bad experience happening again, which may have involved trauma, a panic attack, severe anxiety and intrusive thoughts. You fear leaving the space where you feel safe and held by the four walls around you. A place that you can better regulate your emotions without pressure and being seen by others to be upset.

My agoraphobia, like for many others, began after I suffered panic attacks which frightened me so badly that I started to avoid situations and places that I associated with the panic feelings. I also had intrusive, frightening thoughts about bad things happening to me that I could not ignore. My world grew smaller and smaller because I was trying to feel safe again, and the further I was from my home area, the more anxious I felt.

I no longer went out into the world, I just had a small comfort zone that gave me a sense of order and certainty — A self-made prison with an invisible boundary wall that slowly squeezed the life out of me.

I hated it, but I hated the feelings of panic more and inevitably succumbed to the urge to leave or retreat whenever I felt it coming on. It seemed I could go so far, but no further.

So, whether or not you can actually leave the house is not the defining factor of agoraphobia, which might surprise a lot of people (It certainly confuses the DWP and Jobcentre Plus).

Agoraphobia is also on a spectrum of severity, as are all mental health issues and well, most things in life. It can be highly restrictive and debilitating or manifest in more minor ways, still being a problem, but with less negative impact on quality of life.

Some people consider themselves agoraphobic despite being able to go into a town centre, out for meals, on holidays or days out. I suppose that everyone has their own definition of what a restricted life looks like based on what they could do before they experienced anxiety. And if you are doing those things, you may still be gripping the arm rests, white knuckling your way through or grabbing hold of a friend’s arm for support. You may be drinking alcohol or taking medication to cope. You may be regularly forcing yourself to leave the house for family, friends or for work and hating every second. For those of you who are, I see you, I’ve been there too and it’s so difficult. What I do know is that the sooner that you get help, the better it can be for you, whether it be agoraphobia, panic disorder, PTSD or OCD, or a mix of them all.

What I do know is that the sooner that you get help, the better it can be for you, whether it be agoraphobia, panic disorder, PTSD or OCD, or a mix of them all.

Go to the doctor, see a therapist, school counsellor, or get advice from online support networks. It can feel very lonely having to say no to friends or leaving social events early, trust me when I say, the more you avoid, the more isolated you will become. This is not your fault either, the urge to leave is immense! It feels natural at the time when you are flooded with adrenaline, to do something to satisfy your fight, flight or freeze response.

Agoraphobia happens when you stop being able to trust yourself, your body and the environment you are in. We need to learn to take up space in ourselves, stay present and find some safety within. I am on this journey right now.

The NoPanic Helpline offers support for people experiencing panic symptoms, anxiety and phobias. It runs from between 10am and 10 pm everyday — 0300 772 9844 — Find more information at nopanic.org.uk