Games and Payoffs

You Don't 'Play' These Games, These Games Play You!

Eric Berne was the original creator of the Transactional Analysis Theory and method of psychotherapy. His bestselling classic book, 'Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships' (1964), propelled Transactional Analysis into the mainstream.

It was popular because readers could recognise themselves in the Games he described. They finally had a name for the interactions that they were repeatedly participating in, and an explanation as to what was happening.

Have you ever been involved in an interaction which has left you feeling powerless, confused, hurt or led to harsh self-criticism?

That feeling of ‘Why do I bother?’ or ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘I can never do anything right!'

What about – ‘No one ever helps me.’, ‘Why am I always let down?’, ‘My problems are worse than everyone elses.’, or ‘I can’t manage’.

In TA a ‘Game’ refers to a form of social interaction which relies on ulterior messages and have underlying motivations.

They usually lead to a negative emotional outcome or Payoff for both participants which fits with their injunctions and the OK position they usually favour.

It is not about ‘playing’ – Games don’t stem from a need for fun, they are subconsciously learned behaviours which are an attempt to get our needs met in the form of the Game Payoff - These needs are called Strokes in TA terms. The Strokes achieved in Games replace intimacy and attention – (I think of it like when you give a pet attention, ‘What a good girl!’ or a pat on the head). So, this might take the form of sympathy, jealousy, flattery, being noticed, receiving anger, being offered help and support etc…

There are no real winners in Games (even though one person may end up feeling more of a loser than the other). One person may get the result they seek but this is only to reinforce their own patterns of dysfunction.

Games are predictable ways of getting (unconsciously) desired outcomes, they have a recurring pattern which reinforces the beliefs and behaviours of the people involved.

They use implied messages, without communicating authentically and clearly.

The Payoff is that Games help us to avoid emotional intimacy and vulnerability. They also confirm our own narratives and Script decisions (More on This Later).

Most people instigate Games unconsciously (in an effort to get their needs met). They feel that it would be unsafe/ or that they don’t have permission to be overt in communicating a need. This may stem from their childhood interactions and how they learnt it wasn’t safe to have wants and feelings.

They use manipulation instead of directly asking (We all do it to a certain extent - ‘Ooh I feel a breeze’ – Translates as, ‘can you get up and shut the window’.)

Games involve a Switch of roles on the Drama Triangle