My Experience of Medical Gaslighting on a Visit to my GP

On a recent visit to my doctor’s surgery to see a GP I experienced what can only be described as medical gaslighting, and it wasn’t the first time.
Rewind to months earlier when I went to my GP for the problem of a persistent burning sensation in my throat and swollen glands that had been bothering me for weeks. He looked down my throat, said it might be oral thrush related and prescribed me some niacin liquid treatment. I was initially surprised as my tongue wasn’t white, so I hadn’t considered oral thrush, but I thought perhaps he could see something at the back of my tongue that I couldn’t.
The niacin didn’t help, it just made me feel awful and nauseous for a week. Then, about a month or two later I noticed my formerly pink tongue had now developed a white coating that covered all but the tip and I had a horrible taste in my mouth.

Rather than return to the GP (especially after the horrible experience of the mouth-swilling anti-fungals) I decided to cut out sugar from my diet, stop eating biscuits, sweets, desserts, and limit my carbs and alcohol. Although I lost some weight and my belly looked flatter, it didn’t help my throat and gland problem and there was no change to my tongue.

I immediately felt my stomach sinking with the familiar feeling that I was being dismissed.

After six months of probiotics, and diet restrictions I decided I’d had enough. I also had redness on my upper inner thighs, and an irritation of the skin that meant some trouser material felt like I was wearing a cheese grater. I wondered was this all fungal overgrowth connected? I had heard of candidiasis and a lot of the symptoms fit what I was experiencing.
I had itchy skin on my scalp and sometimes all over, and to my horror my already fine hair was fragile, dry and dropping out at an alarming rate; I had fungal nails on a couple of my toes that resisted topical treatments and had no energy whatsoever.
So I made an appointment to see a GP.

It was a different doctor to the one who prescribed the niacin. When I explained my symptoms and mentioned I was wondering if it was candida, she looked at me with incredulity. I immediately felt my stomach sinking with the familiar feeling that I was being dismissed.

“Can I see your tongue?” She asked. Promptly I stuck out my tongue.
“Your tongue’s not white.”
It was, it was most definitely white, there was no doubt.
“It is white”, I said, feeling disbelief mingled with a flicker of anger. She looked like she wanted to burst out laughing, she was looking at me with barely disguised contempt.
Turning the computer screen towards me she pointed at something I couldn’t read, “Even the doctor you saw before wrote in his notes that your tongue wasn’t white and that he gave you the niacin and reassurance. So, another doctor backs up what I’ve just said.”

What? Wait a minute, WHAT?

It wasn’t logical, she was distorting the truth, I was stunned and confused. What was happening? Had I fallen down a rabbit hole and ended up in a twisted GP Wonderland on the way to the branch surgery? She seemed to be implying that I had gone to the GP previously because I thought I had oral thrush (which was untrue), and despite me not having symptoms the doctor had given me medication just to placate and ‘reassure’ me. The way she said ‘reassure’ had an undertone. I knew from experience what this was code for: She’d glanced at my notes, had seen I was on anxiety medication, and assumed that I was a hypochondriac, or an attention seeker and wasting their time.

My mind went blank or rather froze, I knew she was totally wrong and that this was some kind of mind f#ck

Firstly, my tongue was very discoloured whether or not it was oral thrush, secondly either my previous doctor had lied in his notes or she was deliberately misconstruing them. My mind went blank or rather froze, I knew she was totally wrong and that this was some kind of mind f#ck, but I couldn’t find the words to be assertive or point out the flaws in her argument, I wasn’t prepared for her psychological mind games, and I knew she was going to win.
Afterwards, when my stress hormones wore off, I wished I had said:

“No actually I went in with a sore throat and swollen glands, the other GP brought up the oral thrush diagnosis, and yeah, my tongue wasn’t white then but that also doesn’t mean that it isn’t now.”

“I still think my tongue is white.” I repeated feebly, knowing it meant nothing. The underlying problem wasn’t going to be solved. My perception meant nothing, my bodily experiences meant nothing, my eyes seeing what I could see, meant nothing, and everything I said was further proof to her that I had just come to see her for nothing.

And that was when out of the blue she said, “I don’t prescribe anti-fungals. They can damage the liver and we would have to monitor liver function and do tests. It’s better for you not to be at risk”. I nodded dubiously, not sure what to make of this statement; I knew that there was a risk if patients went on anti-fungals long term, but was it normal for a doctor to refuse to prescribe them at all? Was this the real reason she was gaslighting me, was she lying again?
She then offered me some topical nail treatment as she did think it looked fungal, and went on to explain that anti-fungals can only be used if nails are tested and confirmed to be fungal. But since covid they had stopped doing this so there was no way to diagnose it. I felt like my brain was spinning.

Photo by Valeriia Miller on Unsplash

When I got home, I cried, I felt totally patronised and disempowered. Why hadn’t I challenged her properly? Why did I feel so befuddled and small? No. I wasn’t going to doubt myself, I was not making this up. I had walked into a trap; from the minute I entered the room I was on the back foot. This was not the first time I had gone home from a doctor’s appointment feeling invalidated and like I had wasted their time.

Afterall, how often do you hear about people going to GP after GP before they finally get help, give up or have to seek private health advice.
I will be making an appointment to see a dentist for a check-up, so hopefully I should be able to get another opinion, and in the meantime I will keep trying to improve my health as much as I can myself.

If you know something’s wrong and they keep missing and dismissing you, please find the will to keep going or get support to do so if you can

I still have a problem with swollen glands, itching and a growing red patch of what is looking increasingly like ring worm on my chest. But I cringe at the thought of going back to the doctors any time soon, even to see a different one. It’s hard to go up against an authority figure like a GP, disagree with them or even make another appointment when you are doubted, shamed and made to feel like a time waster. But don’t let them make you doubt yourself. If you know something’s wrong and they keep missing and dismissing you, please find the will to keep going or get support to do so if you can. If you feel like you are being gaslighted or there is a strange game going on, there most likely is and it is not okay, it is toxic and no it is not just all in your head.

I will go back to see a GP (not the tongue one), and I won’t be put off from trying to take good care of myself.